That’s What She Said

I am so ashamed of myself. I am in a shame spiral. I am ten pounds of shame in a five pound bag. Despite previously mocking Daisy de la Hoya and her plastic surgery, I found myself with nothing to do one night and I watched VH1’s Daisy of Love.

White trash in an alley. How fitting.

 The whole show was like staring at a train wreck. You don’t want to watch but at the same time you’re hoping to glimpse some carnage. I couldn’t help but stop, put down my beer, and watch the whole thing. Granted, this only excuses watching the first episode and unfortunately I watched the second as well (hence the shame). But, since I’ve already subjected myself to this crap, I may as well comment on it.

The Premise

Daisy of Love is another bachelor-esque show about someone hoping to find true love on television.  After so many failed reality TV romances, it still boggles my mind why anyone would continue to do this. The only couple for whom television dating has worked is Tristra and Ryan Sutter of ABC’s The Bachelorette (they’re now expecting baby number two).  I’m assuming that for most people, the main motivator to do this is the money but I’d at least respect them if they’d just admit they’re in this for the money and easy sex. Well, that and the fifteen minutes of fame that they’re going to milk for all it’s worth.

A sneeze above Heidi and Spencer.

Who, you might ask, is actually attracted to the mannish, windblown face and fish lips that Daisy de la Hoya possesses enough to go on this show? I’m glad you asked!

The Men . . . er . . . Contestants

I hesitate to call these individuals men because many of them do not appear to have matured much past the age of sixteen. One contestant who reminded Daisy of Brett Michaels (nicknamed “Weazel” by Daisy), is thirty-six-years-old and told Daisy that his eight year marriage ended because she grew up and he didn’t. Not exactly a good way to advertise yourself to someone who is (theoretically) “looking for love” and a “mature relationship.”

Other contestants on the show aren’t much better. On their profiles on the VH1 website, many of them say they’re into women who are either blonde, tiny, plastic, or all of the above. One particular attention whore has the nickname of “12 Pack” but it was not given to him by Daisy. He earned this nickname when he appeared on the VH1 reality dating show I Love New York. He subsequently appeared on I Love Money (the only reality show title with any truth) where he met Daisy and apparently got all hot and bothered by her.

Whatever floats your boat, dude.

Another classy contestant on the show was given the nickname “6 Gauge” by Daisy de la Hoya because he has a six gauge Prince Albert piercing. For those of you who don’t know, a six gauge is a pretty big piercing, particularly if you’re shoving it through a guy’s junk. I don’t really want to post penis photos on my blog, but if you’re morbidly curious as I was, then you can see an example of such a piercing with a six gauge here .

All of these guys are tools (one is aptly nicknamed “Tool Box”) and look as if they shop exclusively at Hot Topic . In fact, it looks like Hot Topic threw up all over the entire show. Everything is decorated with pink and black along with skulls and flowers and nautical stars.

The Conclusion

The show is only two episodes in and I can already predict the ending: after a lot of drama, Daisy will choose someone to be her rockstar and their relationship will last all the way to the reunion show before inevitably imploding, causing her to need a second season of this God forsaken show.

Which I, unfortunately, will most likely watch.

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